Dear God
by Belle'srose
Summary: While on the run from the White Witch, Peter cries out to the one he hopes can help him.


A/N: I own nothing of Narnia. That is all C.S. Lewis' great invention.

This takes place in the little cave where the Beavers and Pevensie siblings spend the night before they get to the stone table. Peter lies awake after the others have drifted off...These are the thoughts running through his head. I borrowed from both the book and the movie. In the book they spend the night in the cave, not just a few minutes.

It's a prayer to a God that Peter hopes is out there. Being a prayer it's not going to have a whole lot of structure. I don't know about any of you, but when I'm worried and I pray, my thoughts just come spilling out and I can only hope that God can sort through it all better then I can.

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God?

It's me, Peter Pevensie. Umm, I don't know if you are actually out there. I've heard of you a few times, but as to whether you are actually there, well, I have yet to figure that out. It's just, I don't know who else to turn to. There's no one here to help me. Mom is counting on me, and I can't do it. So I'm really hoping you are there. I need some help. You see I've done something horrible I've lost my brother. Well, driven him away is more like it. And God? I'm scared. I don't think I've ever been this scared before. I don't know where he is! I don't even know if he's alive! It's all my fault. If I hadn't been so bossy, if I had tried to be more understanding, maybe this wouldn't have happened. He was always such a beast though! Not that that's any excuse. I should have realized, should have known that he was just trying to cope. He was shutting the world out so he wouldn't get hurt. And then I shut him out. I'm sorry.

Do you know where he is? My little brother? You have to know where he is if you are God. If he's alive, would you watch out for him? I promised mum. I promised I would look out for the others. I didn't do a good job. I failed her, God; her and Ed. Would you mind, very much, doing the job I failed to do? It would help me out a lot.

I can't help worrying! My little brother is all alone somewhere out there. Somewhere in the cold and dark, alone, with a witch. I've got to help him! I've got to try and make up for all the wrong I've done. Where is he? Is he hurt? Is he as scared as I am? Is he thinking of me?

I just want him back. I don't want to fight a witch. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want my brother. I want everything to be OK. And yet, if he did come back, I wouldn't know what to say to him. I keep hoping that he's going to come back different somehow. That his time...away, would change him. I don't know if I would want to hug him or strangle him. Just because I'm worried, just because I understand a bit more, doesn't change what he did. We could _die_ because of him!

I never did know how to deal with him. Susan and Lucy are so much easier. Lucy isn't hard to take care of at all. She's always so cheerful and loving and willing to do anything to help. And Susan? She can take care of herself just as easily as I can, plus she and I are closer in age so we kind of understand each other better. She might not always listen, but then, she doesn't really do anything that requires me to be bossy. But Ed, I just couldn't understand him, not as much as I do now. I just couldn't see why he acted the way he did. Why was he always teasing Lucy? Why did he always have to make a bad situation worse? I still don't fully understand, but I'm trying. I know he was hurting; is hurting. It's not over yet. I still have to find him, save him.

God? Beaver says Aslan is the only hope for Edmund. Do you know Aslan? I confess, hearing his name, for some reason, makes me believe that what I cannot do, this Aslan can. He's a good guy, isn't he?

I feel so helpless.

I know Susan thinks it's my fault too. She won't say it out loud, but I can tell she's thinking it. Her eyes scream it. I don't blame her. I'm far from thinking she's wrong. Did I do this? Did I drive him to betray us? Did I send him to his death? Maybe. Are you listening? Can't you answer back? I want to hug him, smack him, save him and yell at him, all at once. I'm worried sick, but part of me, just a little part, is so mad that I almost don't care. It is just a tiny part, God, and yet, I can't deny it's there. You must know it's there. If you are there, you can see it. Right? I'm sorry. So sorry. I do care, I do. I do.

ARGH! I can't just stay here! We should keep moving! We need to get to the stone table as soon as possible. Then, as soon as the girls are safe, I can go after Ed with Aslan, if he wants to come. I feel restless, yet I don't know what to do. A hopeless combination. Oh, this is so ridiculous! He's only ten, God! Ten, and here he is, betraying his family. What drives a little kid to do that? How does one forgive this kind of treachery? Is it possible for me to forgive Edmund? I don't know if I can. I've gotta save him, because I do love him. He's my brother. I love him, but forgiveness might take a while.

Please God, watch out for Ed. Who knows what the Witch is capable of? She could do some pretty terrible things - already has done terrible things. And Ed, if he's alive, is with her. Helpless to stop her. Even after everything he has done, I don't think he deserves that. She's far more evil then he could ever be. Underneath the brat, the beast, is a little boy who has to be scared.

My mind's a whirl of despairing thoughts, worry and anger. Is any of this making sense? Everything's a jumble. Can you hear what I'm trying to say? I'm so tired. Tired, but I can't allow myself to sleep.

... Not while there's a chance he's alive...

... Not if I can save him...

...What do I do?...

...Help me!...

...It's getting harder to think...

I'm so warm...

So tired...

I...hope...you...heard...me...

Forgive...me...


End file.
